The Horizon and Me:
An Essay Based on Friendship
Cassie Seidel
Pine Point School
English Class
4/18/11
Self Assessment
An Essay Based on Friendship
Cassie Seidel
Pine Point School
English Class
4/18/11
When you think of friendship what thoughts pop up in your mind. It could be jumping into a lake or eating candy at 3 in the morning. Whatever you think of, you usually remember the fond memories first. The sad memories come soon afterwards, but not many people like to ponder these. In this essay, I will describe how friendship is for me.
I believe that friendship is like the ocean and the sky. The ocean and the sky are two different things. They are extremely far apart, and excessively different. One has clouds and one has fish. One is up and one is down. However, most companionship's are like this because a pair of likely friends are usually two opposite people, with different interests, sports, and hobbies. Another similarity between the ocean and the sky is color. It is because the ocean reflects of the sky. When the sky is gray, the water is gray, and when the sky is blue, the water is blue. I believe that friendship is like that, one of the friend tries to be just as good as the other. Sometimes, it results in a better friendship, and sometimes it just makes the friendship worse. Finally, the sky and the ocean seem to touch at the horizon. I think that in a friendship, this is when friends grow close. However, it is impossible to reach the horizon, but people can always hope. Most friendships don't end up touching the horizon, but if the friendship gets there, it is worth all the trials and tribulations of the past. That is what friendship is all about, reaching the horizon.
The sky is filled with birds, and the sea is filled with fish. The fish and birds might not be friends, but the sky and the ocean will always touch at the horizon. Just like two human friends, the sky and the ocean will be friends forever.
Self Assessment
1. I am working on comma splices
2. One strong point I see is writing good fast words
3. One possible weak point I see is sentences that are too short.
4. I would give myself a B for this essay
Hey Cassie,
ReplyDeleteI love your sixth sentence in this paragraph. It's so true, friends are completely different people from one an other. However, I think this paragraph is supposed to be about one specific friendship, not friendship in general. That's the only error I can see though. Good writing!
-Jenn
This is one of your best Cassie. More specifically, I really like the metaphor you used. On the bad side, there were a few errors. First, it jumps out at me that you have nothing in bold. Second, like Jenn said, you really have to use a specific friendship. If you just fix these two problems though you will be very well off.
ReplyDelete-Alexander